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Emotional Ears Listen From a Defensive Place

It is difficult to be called out on your actions and your behavior, especially when you're coming from a genuine place. It is easy to get defensive when you only look at things from your perspective. For me it has always been important to practice what I preach. I find that is difficult to have expectations of others when you don't practice the same things. For me that has been an issue for a long time, growing up I saw how what was expected from me wasn't the same behavior practiced. And I hated that hypocritical environment. It was always a goal of mine to run my household differently. I don't believe in the "do as I say" mentality, I believe in the "do as I do" mentality, I definitely practice what I preach. I cannot expect my kids to do what I do not do. Or to treat me with respect if I don't treat her with respect. I think that it is important to show and lead by example. I know that it can be a difficult dynamic to create when you have been brought up with parents that have told you, "do as I say". I know that this is especially true with Hispanic households, but not limited to the. For my husband and I it is a recurring conversation, because he was raised that way and never questioned it. For me on the other hand, I was raised that way but always questioned it. This is not to say that my home isn't run with rules, boundaries and expectations. Because it very much is, according to my older two were the "strictest parents". And that's okay with me, because I know that were not, like all kids and teens; they just don't like limitations and expectations. But I make sure I always give the same energy I expect to everyone including my kids. I don't half ass, I am not lazy and I am respectful. And just like I express and behave that way, I expect the same. Not only in my home, but wherever I go and with whomever I encounter. If someone has the common courtesy to let us know we are coming up short, we need to learn to take it lightly and really evaluate ourselves. Defensiveness comes from a deep-rooted feeling of insecurity. It is important to take a look at where were lacking and where we can improve. Good leadership is not about demanding, but demonstrating what is expected.

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